On Painting

If you could say it in words,
there would be no reason to paint.
Edward Hopper

I want to paint more. This wanting struggles with the questions I frequently ask myself ... like ... "Who am I to paint so much? Who do I think I am?"

I've been more of a facilitator of art than an an artist, I know. And when I get positive feedback about my facilitation, it feels more natural to accept. But when I get positive feedback about my art, I have a hard time really believing it and accepting it.

Most of the time, the reason I paint is to get my internal angst and tumult out of me. Believe it or not, I have a ton of it. Feelings that are hard to express in words ... not that I don't try to do so ... as my friends will attest. I do talk and let as much out to those closest to me. But even with that, there are feelings that at times ache to be expressed through paint. And when they do, when I allow myself the time and space to do so and I have music that is meant to be listened to as I do this, I feel most alive and the release is quite wonderful. As Denise Sharp puts it in her story, art in many ways is nothing short of vital. Indeed, it is my life line (especially these days) and key to survival.

What I feel can be whispered. It can be shouted. It can be screamed. Then whipered again.

  That's why I paint. And as I go through the self-doubt of whether I deserve to paint more, a small collection of painted works has started to grow.

Comments

[Suzi Banks Baum]

Oh Jenny, your vitality is vital, if only to you, then you must paint. The rest of us kindle joy and insight because of that vitality. And for this, I say thank you. xo S

[Lana Manis]

Jenny, I just posted on my facebook page this morning: "Do what you love. Love what you do. Have fun!"
There is this huge yearning inside me to paint... and paint a lot... and painting seems to be a release for me. I have these little voices that keep telling me that I'm not good enough, that I'm not really an artist because I'm self-taught, that no one will like what I do. But I have a bigger voice, the one that comes from my heart, that tells me I AM an artist, and that what I do matters. That if it comes from my heart it will touch someone else's heart and bring them joy. That's what I want to do, bring others joy through my art.
You paint all you want. Let it out and let it be free. What you are creating is beautiful because it comes from inside.

[Monica]

Dear Jenny,
yes, it's why we do paint, after all. Those inner voices need to be heard, need to be screamed- we can make our feelings, our struggles, our joys tangible through painting, and get them out of us through the creative process.
And for us, artists, it's just like breathing. Often our feelings are SO strong that they couldn't be expressed in a verbal way. Making art is the only way to survive. And to find purpose and joy in this life.
So keep on painting! I LOVE what you make!

Monica x

P.S. Just my own post about the very same subject, written a few weeks ago:
http://the-white-bench.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/i-make-art.html